02.10.2002 - It's A Fade

In Davis, the weather is either hot as balls or cold enough to freeze those balls off for about ninety-five percent of the year. Today was one of those wonderful and rare in-between days that are nearly too gorgeous to handle. Much to the surprise of everyone, I actually left the house to enjoy it. Imagine that.

Because I keep flaking on her for one reason or another, I made it a point to set aside some Holly time. After participating in the futile exercise of looking for a new job on the internet, I talked to Holly and agreed to meet her for coffee and conversation at two o'clock. When I picked her up, she forced me to watch her torture her kitty by making it wear a tiny Old Navy shirt. The cat was not pleased.

Because it was too beautiful outside to sit in some stuffy coffee shop, we decided to rock the Fruit Smoothie Universe with our presence instead. We sat outside with our drinks watching little kids and dogs while talking about deadbeat dads, work issues and issues with the opposite sex.

When it was time for a change of scenery, we drove to Holly's apartment complex and reclined the seats in my car to gaze at the lovely blue sky through my sunroof. She's awfully lucky I didn't make out with her.

Seriously though, even if I wanted to, there would be absolutely no room for gettin busy in my car. I'm still not quite sure why they put a backseat in the thing, because there's barely enough room for my pet midget back there. I think my car was originally developed as a sophisticated remote control vehicle and not intended to contain human passengers. It would take a contortionist to make the sex in my automobile.

If you're a contortionist, by the way, give me a call.

Shortly thereafter, one of Holly's classmates came over and I left them so they could get their study on. On Friday, my new manager asked me to think about some goals for myself and for the company over the weekend, so when I got home I did just that. I spent the rest of the evening typing out those goals while occasionally being pleasantly distracted by phone calls, laundry and Fox's Sunday night programming.

My boss offered me the opportunity to pick up extra hours in the event I should lose my jobby-job, and as such, I jumped at the opportunity to go into work for an extra four hours on Monday. Since I wanted to be fresh and ready to impress, I tried to go to bed early. I e-mailed my goals to my work address and went to bed at about ten o'clock.

I managed to get about two hours of sleep during which I had my disturbing recurring dream about being Conan O'Brien's new sidekick. I've had this dream several times. I don't know why I'm on the show and nobody there seems to like me. Andy hasn't left the show, but is instead in the band. He keeps looking at me, running his finger across his throat and mouthing death threats at me while Conan either shoots me death glares or ignores me. You can see why this is disturbing.

So, I woke up scared of Andy Richter at midnight and decided to fetch myself a glass of water. When I came back into my room, I noticed that I had a message in my inbox. It turns out that the e-mail I tried to send to my office address bounced. Sure that this meant my company decided to let me go and cancel my account, I spent the rest of the night in bed wide awake.

Anxiety is a bitch.

-- Jeffy