06.19.2002 - What will you do when your suntan fades?

Summer is officially here. I can finally realize my fantasy of spending three consecutive months outside, half-submerged in a kiddie pool, drinking Steel Reserve and listening to Def Leppard. Who says dreams don't come true?

I used to hate the perpetual darkness in my apartment provided by a lack of windows and an abundance of trees. Now, however, I'm growing to appreciate it. Even though it's dark enough inside at noon to have an ultra-goth vampire party, it's also cool enough to keep my ass from heat-fusing to the couch. This is a nice switch from my old house, where I would immediately have to strip naked as I crossed the threshold and suck down Otter Pops like Alexander the Grape and I had a sweet love thang goin' on in order to avoid heat stroke.

Occasionally, however, I do miss the sun, and because of this, I've found myself spending more time outside than it takes to walk between the car and whatever building calls me. On Sunday, I decided to go sit out by the pool with a book after I took a swim.

As I walked out of the apartment, I told Jackson he could come join me. He asked if anyone else was out there, and I told him no. Jackson said he might join me in a few minutes.

I settled onto my chaise lounge and began rereading Barrel Fever. Shortly thereafter, the gate creaked and I expected Jackson to walk through. Unless Jackson multiplied in size by three and had a sex change operation, this wasn't him. When the real Jackson walked through, I'm sure he was happy to see the unexpected company.

I got lost in the book, and didn't put it down until another big gentleman came out to join us. For fear that someone from Greenpeace would come out and roll one of us three fatties back into the water, I went back inside.

By this point, the tanning had gotten a little out of hand. In fact, the entire front side of my body turned a nice hot pink. There's nothing like living the first official week of Summer in extreme discomfort.

I've spent the rest of my free time doing more things more exciting than charring my own flesh. I've experienced Davis nightlife, gorged myself on all-you-can-eat sushi and half-off thrift store clothes, and threatened to get klassy with Mr. Bestfriendinthewholewideworld over a bottle of Courvosier. If I could keep up this pace, avoid further skin damage and find a good paying, enjoyable full-time job in Davis, this Summer will be perfect.

If not, I'll be fat, drunk and poor. In other words, I've got nothing to lose. Bring it on.

-- Jeffy