| Show me on the doll where she touched you 07.01.2002 - Show me on the doll where she touched you Knowing that I only have two real days of work this week makes waking up on Monday morning fairly pleasant. Usually, my Monday mornings are rife with grumpiness, grogginess, eye boogers and a general distaste for life. This Monday, however, felt like waking up in a lite beer commercial. The only things remotely puzzling were an abnormally strong soreness from just working out and the mystery of how I went to bed wearing pants but woke up bare assed. Perhaps the nagging feeling that I might have been molestered in my sleep was only preparation for my movie "date" with my boss during work. As a teambuilding activity, my company is paying for everyone in my department to go to the movies two at a time. A few weeks ago, they drew names while I was out of the office, and my boss rigged it so that we could go together. This, combined with the fact that she has expanded her request for me to present her my "hot college friends" to include any professors or friends fathers I know made sitting in a dark theatre during the middle of the day seem like Jeffy was a-gonna have to work "overtime," so to speak. After a surprisingly busy three hours at the office, I shut down my workstation and prepared myself for what could either be a harmless visit to the theatre or two hours that would cause me to curl up in the fetal position and rock back and forth every time I see Ben Affleck because The Sum Of All Fears, the movie we were scheduled to see, would forever be associated with scoring old corporate pooty. When my boss suggested we take seperate cars, I quickly said "yes,' because driving ourselves would eliminate at least ten minutes of awkwardness. What I didn't take into account is the difficulty of parking my beast of a van in downtown Sacramento on a weekday at noon. I followed my boss as she zipped from our office to the heart of the city and kept good pace until she slipped into a parking garage. Seeing as how my vehicle is the second tallest structure in Yolo County, squeezing into the garage would only be accomplished by inadvertantly scraping the top off on the ceiling. While the airiness would be nice for the Summer, it might hurt resale value, so I made a seventeen point turn, enraging the line of Lexuses behind me, and left in search of uncovered parking. A half an hour, a quarter tank of gas and a six dollar parking pass later, I finally found a spot. By the time I got to the theatre, the movie had already started and I could only assume my boss had already gone inside. Still, I waited outside for about thirty minutes before I gave up and left. Not about to have paid six dollars for parking to stand outside of a theatre, I decided to walk around downtown Sacramento for a while. I cruised a record shop with exorbitantly high prices for about an hour and milled about briefly before I folded under the hundred plus degree heat and went home. Once home, I promptly took off my pants and settled on the couch. I don't know if it was sweat or drool, but without realizin it, I fell asleep for two hours and woke up soaked. I think my boss may have slipped me some roofies, because I haven't taken a nap that hardcore since my bowel movements required support from Luvs. And that's been at least three weeks. Shortly after I woke up, Jackson and I headed downtown to meet up with his brother on his twenty-first birthday. It was a little creepy, considering it was about six in the evening, light outside and I haven't actually talked to Jackson's brother in about a year, back when we were both heavily into band. We trolled the local bars, empty of the usual crowd of booty pants clad ladies and date rapists and attempted to expose little Maxwell to the wonders of legal drinking. I just couldn't get into it. Even though Jackson's brother wanted us to join him for dinner at a chain restaurant in Sacramento, we declined, citing "things to do" or 'being broke" as reasons we couldn't go. While these reasons are vaid, I think it had more to do with laziness and apathy than anything. Instead, we went home and watched Sorority Life on the MTV. For those of you who don't know, the show was filmed on my campus over Spring quarter and I know several of the girls in the sorority. I'm still trying to get used to going to parties with these girls and then coming home and seeing them on TV. It feels like a public access show with really good equipment and a bent for creating hopefully engaging fiction out of fact. I hope two things for the show: It also serves the purpose of being able to show The Moms girls I'd like to hump without having to drag her up to Davis again. But I do suggest you tune in, if only to see where I live and what I might do if I were pledging a Jewish interest sorority and you only got to see the most interesting six and a half hours of ten weeks of my life. Hopefully this will be more interesting. -- Jeffy |
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