07.20.2002 - Seven Lessons I've Learned

1. The phrase "I appreciate your honesty" can generally be translated as "you just completely fucked yourself."
2. If a girl gives me two phone numbers and a flattering note completely unsolicited, it doesn't necessarily mean she wants to talk to me or will return my calls.
3. I even look fat in drawings.
4. Exercise is only fun because the the repetitive motion has somehow rendered me retarded and incapable of determining the difference between enjoyable and excrutiating.
5. This thing will plant a flag in your ass and claim it in the name of addiction if you are enough of a sucker to play it once.
6. 8th Continent Chocolate soy milk is the only thing I've discovered that allows me to simultaneously feel like a four year old boy and a pretentious asshole.
7. Three brief weeks of making out is not an even trade for my copies of The Photo Album, When Your Heartstrings Break and The Virgin Suicides, and as such, people should give my belongings back after they've silently decided not to talk to me anymore. This will keep my anger/frustration from reaching the "killing small animals" level.