| Newfound Appreciation 07.26.2002 - Newfound Appreciation Top Seven Things About Work This Past Week: 1) My company has a program wherein people within the company can give awards to each other when someone goes above and beyond the call of duty. On Monday morning, I received one of these for staying late last Thursday to complete a project and doing a good job at it as well. The irony here is that if I hadn't spent so much time checking my e-mail or pretending to update a spreadsheet, I could have easily gotten this done on time, only nobody would have noticed had I done so. 2) I got to see Minority Report and grab lunch courtesy of my company on company time. It felt like they were taking me out on a date so I didn't feel so much like a prostitute. 3) Three of my co-workers spent one morning talking about the movies they saw the previous weekend and thoroughly trashed The Royal Tenenbaums. One said, "they were all bad people. Why would I want to watch something with bad people." Tired of holding my tongue, I said, "that's an awfully shallow reading of the film," and proceeded to list about a dozen redeeming qualities. The weird thing is that even though I was being inconceivably rude and pretentious, they seemed to respect me more because of it. 4) I murdered my least favorite co-worker after he told me I look like Jack Osbourne. 5) Everyone met with management from the new company to ascertain their fate post merger. Only two people in my entire department were offered a new job, and even those two people would have to move about eight hundred miles away to take it. As a result, for the next seven months, my officemates will have their collective middle fingers extended as they've lost all loyalty for their company. Everyone's on my side now. 6) I think my boss has finally realized that I'm all about the vajayjay, as we spoke at length about what I like in a lady and if I'm into large older women who are into gardening, jazz and Information Technology. If worse comes to worse, at least I can subsidize a nice Brazilian vacation with the profits from a sexual harassment suit. 7) I only had a three day work week. The less time I spend at my job the more I can pretend I will enjoy waking up the next Monday to go back. Absence does make the heart grow fonder. -- Jeffy |
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