10.02.2002 - Suck it Up, Be a Man

I just can't get comfortable.

A lot of it has to do with the fact that I feel like I'm in a place eerily similar place to where I was three years ago and I'm trying to figure out what I need to do to keep myself from sinking that low again, because, you know, wanting to hop the median and drive into oncoming traffic everytime I'm on the freeway isn't exactly what one would call "healthy."

I shouldn't look forward to inactivity as much as I do. I've always prided myself on being a lazy bastard, but rather than feel relaxed when vegetating, I just feel unsettled. Run down mentally and physically, I'm putting on weight and becoming increasingly bitter. Jeffy: brought to you by the word "attractive."

It could also have something to do with the weather. Between last Wednesday and Thursday, the temperature dropped twenty degrees. It was like The Powers At Be said, "No more Summer. Stop having fun . . . now." Last week I wore shorts and spent a fair amount of time peeling the shirt from my sweaty lower back. I saw my breath when I walked out the door this morning. There's something wrong with this.

There's also something wrong with being bored enough to discuss the weather.

The one tangible problem plaguing me right now is cash, or the lack thereof. I neglected to budget the extra money I blew on gas trucking it back and forth between Davis and Livermore in September as well as frivolous purchases I made while there. Now that rent's due, I have to find a quick way to recover from that dent. I've never once been late with the rent and I don't plan on being late with it anytime soon-- especially when I know my landlords personally and like them. So I sucked it up and sold some books, CDs, and roughly a third of my DVD collection for way less than what it was worth. I'm less upset about losing those movies than I am upset at myself for getting into a situation where I was forced to do so.

Luckily, I have things like good roommates who make me California rolls and a two hour long season premiere of Dawson's Creek to keep me from sulking. It's really a statement on how pathetic I am that all it takes is a kind gesture and a double dose of a moronic teen melodrama to at least temporarily snap me out of my doldrums.

The obvious solution to my problems would be to set aside some time to exercise regularly so I have more energy and less chub, watch my money better so I don't have to sell bodily fluids somewhere down the road and just relax until I eventually become more comfortable with the fact that I'll have to wear a coat if I want to leave the house for the next six months. Judging by my track record, however, I'll probably end up fat and depressed in a gutter, down about three pints of blood in time for the holiday season.

Come on, get happy!

-- Jeffy